Tuesday, 2 February 2010

Could I have a house party please?

Oh blog I've been neglecting you again. Okay well where to start, over the past week nothing 'blog worthy' seems to have happened. Contradictory to the title of my blog, Cal's life is not at all that fabulous. The lecturers have been riding us hard.. ahem... I managed to flood the kitchen while defrosting the freezer. I got published. Though I could attempt to tell you about these things in numerous humorous ways it would mostly be lies as they really aren't that fascinating. So instead I'm going to tell you all about my breakfast. Yes, you heard, read, right. My breakfast. Lee and I decided to go down to the pub for breakfast, when we arrived we realised it was match day. The pub was absoloubtely packed with middle aged obese grotesque excuses for men. We found an empty table in the corner and picked up the breakfast menus. As I went to ask Lee what he was going to have I was interupted by a disgusting gentleman with a pint. Ten in the morning and he's cradling a pint. As i'm rudely interupted i decide i'll evesdrop on his conversation. He's telling his friends how he 'pulled a well fit bird' and how he 'nailed her backwards against his bedroom door'. I'm not really sure what that means, but I deduce it means he slipped rohypnol into some poor girls drink and took her home with him. Just as I hear a fight beginning to break out we decide to leave. I lost all faith in humanity for the brief three minutes we endured inside that repulsive place. Instead we go to Frankie & Bennies. We sit down and enjoy a lovely breakfast when a woman enters leaving the door wide open, letting all the cold air in. "Can i 'ave a table for three please?'. She was on her own. I felt a little sorry for the waitress and when she replied bitterly with. "Yea. If you shut the bloody door" I felt like trippling her tip. She seats the woman behind us, Lee and I continue with our conversation after trying to figure out what brown sauce is actually made from we start talking about throwing a party. "So we should have a house party soon, invite the people we've not seen in a while"
"Yeah sounds good. Grab the waitresses attention and ask her for the bill would you?". And he does. "'scuse me"
"Could I have a house party please". The waitress and I look at him blankly. He doesn't seem to realise what he has said. The waitress fumbles nervously. "Sorry?"
"Could i have a house party ple.." I interupt.
"The bill. Could we have the bill please?"
"Sure". She wanders off still baffled and i watch the embarrasment creep into Lee's face as he realises what he said. We pay and i have an urge for iced tea. I've not had it since I was about nine, and i'm pretty sure I don't like it, but i want it. We go to Sainsburies and look down the drinks aisle for ice tea. "Ask the man". I say to Lee when we can't find it. "And don't ask for a house party". He doesn't find this very funny. We buy the ice tea and drink it while wandering around the shops. I take another drink still trying to figure out whether I like it or not, when Lee decides to momentarily disapear. I don't notice and I turn to a complete stranger, thinking its Lee, and say with a repulsed face. "I definately don't like iced tea".

No comments:

Post a Comment