Monday, 31 May 2010

Amsterdam II: Coach Trip

The coach left Derby at 10pm and was set to arrive in Amsterdam the following morning at 11am. The sensible decision, and what I would have thought would have been the general consensus was to use the coach trip as an oppurtunity to sleep. Afterall we were only in Amsterdam for less than two full days, I didn't want to spend one of those asleep.

Right? Wrong.

Everybody had made a telepathic decision that the coach would be a night club for the duration. I kid you not, Lee and I sat down ready for a good ole sleep when the drunkards pile in. We chose to sit near the back, a bad decision on my behalf, the sensible people, all six of them, sat right at the front. The coach started moving, the loud gangster rap music came on. The dancing started, the squealing started, the arguments started, the chair kicking started. By this point you are probably thinking that this must have been a pretty big coach with a lot of room, no?

Well you'd be wrong. This was your bog standard incredibly small coach with little to no leg room. We were promised reclining seats, they did recline yes, but you had to recline into the person behind's lap. Which for the people in front of us was no issue at all.

It got to about 2am and I thought okay they will settle down soon. We got onto the ferry which was an oppurtunity for all of them to top up their wavering alcohol levels. Rather than getting back onto the coach I had considered jumping off the side of the ferry and swimming back to England for dear life, if it wasn't for this sign, which in my sleep deprived state was hilarious, I think I probably would have done.

Simplistic and childish - but funny none the less.

Before we re-boarded the coach a small group from our coach managed to get into a fight with three different nationalities. Declaring that they speak for all of England, telling everyone that they despise the Germans, the Polish, and the French. Well done guys. Well done.

We sat back on the coach where we were informed not to use the toilet anymore because it was full and would overflow. Of course nobody listened and continued to use it. At about 4am one of the girls went to use the toilet, she opened the door, put her head inside, gagged several times then ran back to tell her friends. They squealed and laughed and found it infinitely hilarious. She went back to the toilet door, opened it, gagged several more times, shouted to her friends and asked them to come smell the toilet.

At this point I was growing incredibly impatient, yes, we've established the toilet doesn't smell very nice, can we grow up now please girls?

Of course not.

Two hours later, they are still running back and fourth from the toilet, opening the door, letting the smell out into the coach, gagging, screaming, running back to their seats, kicking the backs of our chairs, squealing, running back to the toilet door, opening it, gagging. Over and over and over and over again.

You've been doing this for two god-damn hours! I'm trying to sleep. Not to mention everybody else still treating the coach as a night club.

We arrived in Amsterdam at 11am, I hadn't had a wink of sleep. Whilst me and Lee ventured out to explore the city, everybody else went to sleep for the whole day. Seriously, you may as well have just charged them all £115, drove them around Derby in a coach, given them a bed to sleep in and told them all it was Amsterdam. They wouldn't have known any different.


  1. Oh God. That sounds like a brave trip; reminds me of megabus experiences. NASTY! ENjoy your stay!

  2. Ouch - gives bad memories of school trips where, despite all teachers saying we should sleep, it was a danger to do so if you wanted to keep your face the same (aka, not lose an eyebrow or wake up with a moustache)