Monday, 19 April 2010

A Possibly Offensive Post. Eek.

I went to the library to try and get some work done today... After searching the shelves for a copy or Romeo & Juliet for a good 15 minutes, I stumbled upon. "Manlove. The gap in Shakespeare." I found it funny, and proceded to text my friend Jessy. She turns up a few minutes later to investigate... "Cal, Cal, Cal..."
"Read it again".
"Manlove. The Gap in Shakespeare."
"No look. The Gap in Shakespeare... BY... Colin N. Manlove."
"Oh. You ruin all my fun Jess." - At which point there is a power cut. The people in the library not fortunate enough to be working on a laptop, go into a deranged panic and act as if they are on the Titanic.

Oh for God sake...

So, now i'm at home, and distracted by foolish spam emails. I thought I'd share one with you, with my own personal commentary.

Dear Friend, - (friend?)

With due respect to your person and much sincerity of purpose I make this contact with you as I believe that you can be of great assistance to me. -

(Excellent English skills there)

my name is Mr.Sango Ali, from Ouagadougou Republic of BURKINA FASO, WestAfrica.

(Ouagadougou - Is that really a place? Wikipedia says yes, hmm. I want to go!)

Presently I work in the Bank as telex manager. I have been searching foryour contact since you left our country some years ago .

(Ah yes, I remember when i left Ouagadougou a few years ago. A sad day for my African family)

I do not know whether this is your correct email address or not because Ionly used your name initials to search for your contact in the internet .

(I'm always searching for people's contacts in the internet..?)

Incase you are not the person I am supposed to contact, please see this as aconfidential message and do not reveal it to another person but if you are notthe intended receiver, do let me know whether you can be of assistanceregarding my proposal below because it is top secret.

(I see.... Top Secret? Could that be because you want my bank details by any chance? Brilliant use of the space bar too!)

I am about to retire fromactive Bank service to start a new life but I am sceptical to reveal thisparticular secret to a stranger.

(Wait, i thought we were friends?)

You must assure me that everything will be handled confidentially because weare not going to suffer again in life. It has been 10 years now that most ofthe greedy African Politicians used our bank to Launder money overseas through the helpof their Political advisers.

(Damn those greedy African Politicians! Always trying to launder money oversees from Ouagadougou)

It goes on for about 2000 more words. Then he asks for my bank details and sort code. He also asks me if i can send him a copy of my passport. Seriously?

...Okay, Mr. Sango Ali. I'll get right on that.

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