Thursday, 22 April 2010

Manly Cider Drinking Friends

[Adam's Birthday - Mojito's and Purple Rain in hand, standing around in an uncomfortable circle]

"Everyone introduce yourself, say your name, where you're from, and an interesting fact."

"I'm [insert generic name], i'm from [insert generic place], i once [insert generic anedcote]."

"[same as above]"

"I'm Lee, I'm from Nottingham, and i can put a strawberry lace in my mouth and pull it out of my nose."

"How old are you..?" one of Adam's neighbours (Who has a terribly offensive nick-name which I won't repeat here... *cough* hairline *cough*) replies.

"The legal age" Lee winks back and makes everything awkward. After a long silence somebody interupts.

"Well I'm [insert generic name], i'm from [insert generic place], i once [insert generic anecdote].

"I'm Cal. I'm from Derby, and i was voted Britain's sexiest man three years running."

"Really!?" somebody gullible asks.

"No, but I am a good liar."

"Not a man though are you..."

Disheartened I sit between my manly cider drinking friends. After the terrible ice-breaker games end the manly friend to my right speaks up. "You know that blog post you wrote, Sol Campbell?"
"Apparantly Sol Campbell came out as gay."
"What? Seriously!?"

If Sol Campbell is gay, there's no hope for the rest of us. Seriously, have you seen how manly he is!?

Adam's liverpudlian neighbour overhears our conversation and approaches.

"So Cal, how come I didn't appear in your blog." I hide behind one of my manly friends legs. "I'm sorry err."
"Am I not interesting enough for you?"
"No it's just errr."
"We went to the Jonty Farmer together... and you didn't even write about me!"
"I'm sorry!"
"I only went because I thought you might write about me!"
"Yeah, you never mentioned me either!" Somebody else pipes up from behind.
"We've not really met." I defend myself.
"Or me!" Somebody else shouts.
"Oh God."

Well i've written about you all now. HAPPY!?

If I knew i'd get harassed by countless men for sharing anecdotes in a blog I would have never started it... wait... what am I saying? Being harassed by countless men is a dream come true surely. More harrasment please.


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