Wednesday, 22 September 2010

The First Day of The Rest of My Life.

As some of you may have read, dear readers, yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life. I decided to act upon this tired out saying and find out where the good will of the Universe would take me. I minimised all those nasty procrastinating habits, instead of dancing to Kylie Minogue and Katy Perry in the kitchen pointlessly, I combined this must needed five minutes with eating my lunch. This was fruit. Fruit. I know. God. I want to live a healthy life, you see?

I looked at the dirty dishes in the sink and I skimmed right past them back to my laptop where I wouldn't distract myself by learning about the exciting world of anal douching (possibly because I already did this with my dear friend Grandma the night before - it's not as rambunctious as it might seem. Did I just make the word up? Nope dictionary says it's a real word, and it fits... Moving on swiftly) I would work and not play.

I received texts telling me there was a good looking guy in the library who looked sort of like a good looking guy I knew, Okay, I replied to one. Just one! Then I stopped. I opened up my ‘To Do’ list and cut it in half. I scribbled this, I typed that, I even contacted the DRS girls and gave them the quick interview that my new Editor boss type lady (a.k.a my good friend Jessy) had asked me to do some weeks back.

I googled jobs, writing competitions and various opportunities, I revamped my C.V and applied for jobs, I read emails saying I had been declined from jobs. It was all very morale boosting. "Soz you've not got the job lol". But seriously the fact that I could write a C.V, apply for a job and hear back within the same day (even if it is to say I’ve not got the job) is something I didn't realise was accomplishable until now.

I popped round to The House of Pastelle to converse with like minded ambitious friends, to give me that extra boost.

"What do you mean you're busy? Why aren't we doing a radio show." My dear friend Grandma said to me with confusion. "I've got nothing to do, I've got two lectures a week. I need a radio show so I don't just fill ALL my spare time with masturbation." she told me without hesitation. As it turns out we have pretty much exactly the same schedule yet she considers it 'nothing to do', whereas I consider it 'the most I’ve ever had to do in my ENTIRE life'. That's the difference between me and her, I guess.

I scurried back home, transcribed an interview, wrote two articles and a short story and sent them whizzing out of my inbox like there was no tomorrow and then went BACK to The House of Pastelle for Veggie Lasagne Tuesday.

Our dear friend Grandma served us up the finest (and only) vegetarian lasagne I've ever eaten and then tossed a book of theatre productions at me. She had put a little star next to all of the ones we could go to see FOR FREE! and a little love heart next to the ones she wanted to go and see. I looked through the book, instructed to initial any that I wanted to go and see with her, there was a love heart next to every God damned thing. "WHY IS NOBODY COMING TO SEE THE TAKE THAT TRIBUTE ACT WITH ME?!" she boomed as she noticed nobody, but nobody, had put their initials down next to it. It was the only thing I didn't put my name down for.

So, although, on the first day of the rest of my life, I didn't secure a job or anything wonderfully exciting, which would have been an amazing conclusion to this whole fiasco, I did manage to secure 750 theatre tickets.

Then we drank wine and I forgot I was meant to be doing something with my life, we inappropriately discussed the issue of "Does fisting make child birth easier" with people we had known for less than 78 hours. Then I drew this on my editor type boss lady's door.


Oh and we're going to find the Loch Ness Monster apparently. I'll let you know how that one goes.

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