Friday, 4 June 2010

Amsterdam VI: Space Cakes

I recieved two pieces of solid advice before going to Amsterdam, both of which I shrugged off.

1. Watch out for the bikes
2. Don't have space cakes.

Watch out for the bikes? What an odd piece of advice to be given. Within minutes of being there about six bikes crashed into both me and Lee, we later realised, to make matters worse, that it was national bike week. Don't have space cakes? But that's what you do when you go to Amsterdam. When in Rome! If I went to Thailand i'd drink snakes blood, if i went to China i'd probably try a scorpion and if I went to Sardinia I might just try Casu Marzu, all of which are somewhat more adventurous than a space cake. I believe in trying everything once, I mostly got puzzled looks. "Why would you do it in Amsterdam, if you wouldn't do it in England?" Well, I'm strongly against smoking weed, or taking it any other way but this was my one exception.

We came out of the café somewhat disapointed. "Do you feel anything?"
"Nope. You?"
"Well that was a waste of time."

It was only two hours later, at the most inappropriate time where it kicked in. Standing outside the Ann Frank museum ready to go in. This Balls Of Steel and this Family Guy clip managed to find their way into my head

Balls of Steel:

Family Guy:

They're pretty bad quality, but you get the jist.

After reiterating them to Lee we laughed outside the museum for a good thirty minutes, it just got funnier, and funnier, and funnier. We didn't know why it was so funny, then it hit us. Space cakes. Whenever we sat down I kept having to collect my imaginary things, that I was sure were there, before getting up to leave and Lee kept asking me why a little girl was following us. There was no little girl.

We went back to the hotel, where my teeth went numb and Lee persistantly offered me a soft drink and had difficulty getting to the end of a sentence. "Do you remember that time when the, and, the, so, do you want a soft drink?"

I was so excited when my teeth first went numb, all I could think of was my old best friend from sixth form. "You always know when you're drunk because your teeth go numb." I never knew what she was talking about, but the effect of the space cakes gave me that feeling. The excitement fizzled away soon after though. I was terrified of breaking my teeth, I kept my little finger between my front teeth at all times to assure I didn't grind them together. I must have looked like a bloody fool. When it came to eating I ate so slowly, and I would judder with panic everytime I bit down on something remotely hard. It was awful.

It was a waste of time, if I wanted my teeth to go numb and wanted to be slightly paranoid that somebody was out to get me, I would go to the dentist. Now when I manage to get myself in the argument against drugs, they will no longer be able to draw the 'well you've never tried it' card. I'm sure it's probably different if you smoke it but I won't be doing that any time soon...

I was urged by a friend that if I was to have a space cake I should take a photo when the effect took place. A photo that would be mortifyingly embarrasing when I looked back at it. Well here it is, and to be honest, it's not that bad.

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