We come home from a day out and find our front door wide open. We go into the entrance hallway, up the stairs and up to our inner door, which also is wide open. Feeling slightly nervous we go inside to find a shifty looking gentleman, wearing track suit bottoms and a baseball cap.
"Ar, yaright lads. Sorreh I'm just like doing your tiles and shit aren't ah"
"Okay." we say going past him upstairs. I peer into the bathroom as i pass it, and find he is telling the truth, and has taken all of the tiles off the wall. Making a mess of the bathroom only cleaned that morning. He goes back to work and we sit uncomfortably watching TV in the front room. Another man comes in and they start talking to one another really loudly.
"Can't be doing with these fucking tiles."
"I know. Fuck sake. If people didn't spend s'long in't shower this wunt happen."
"Look. They've got little baff ducks n' everyfin. They must spend all day in't bath playing with their ducks."
"Yeah. Faggots. They need to grow up propper. Like real men. Some good women'll sort 'em out."
"Yeah. A good woman. It'll help 'em grow up."
I'm extremely offended as they are refering to the bath ducks, 1, I recieved from my Grandma, as a leaving present, and 2, that Lee bought me for Christmas. Interior designers use bath ducks these days i'll have you know! I felt like saying to them... but didn't.
Besides I thought. How the hell do they know we're gay? While i'm thinking this my friend sends me a link over facebook. "Watch this!" I click it. It's a Sophie Ellis Bextor song, I quickly close it.
"Sorry, I can't listen to that now. We've got some really manly homophobic tilers in."
"Oh sorry." [A few moments later] "How about this one?" He sends me a link to a gangster rap video. I close that quickly as well, only to hear the tilers singing it a few minutes later.
"Orite lads, finished naa, you got a bag for ma roller?"
"I look in the cupboard. There are a few Tesco bags, and a H&M bag at the back. I give him that, hoping to in some way it'd diminish his manlyness. "Nice one. In a bit lads." He leaves and his friend follows him. Once they've left I go downstairs to lock the door and as I pass our bedroom, I notice the door wide open, clearly exposing the two framed pictures we have on the wall, with our gay pride flag hanging between them.
The first: A male Pacco Rabanne model.
The second: A male D&G model.
Lee comes up behind me. "And you wonder why he knew we were gay?"
"They're your pictures."
"Yeah... you bought them me."
In hindsight I think we were equally to blame.
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