Sunday, 22 August 2010

Don't Work With Children The Spanish & Animals.

I was somewhat aprehensive about going out to Spain to help my parents move from Spanish house A to Spanish house B (directly opposite Spanish house A) as I know how strict they are when it comes to perfection. "Just look at this paint job. Disgraceful". My Dad says as he examines the Sistene Chapel. I was given a little confidence booster though when my parents told me what the Spanish painters had managed to do whilst painting. Not only did they fall off a ladder and break 95% of my parents belongings but they also managed to set their roller on fire whilst doing said painting, leaving black marks on the walls and floors. A job well done.

Now to side step the incomming Racism accusations. I do love the Spanish, I even supported them in the world cup, but perhaps they're not the best contractors. I'm not saying English contractors are much better. Unless you want them to question your sexuality whilst retiling your bathroom of course.

The other minor problem with getting anything done in Spain is the heat. Mother told me countless times how it's impossible to do anything in the heat over there. I just nodded along, but now I understand. Carrying a feather duster from one side of the house to the other is enough to break a sweat. Never mind a massive sofa that we had to move from house A to house B and then back again making the hole exercise inevitably pointless. To compensate for such heat the Spanish workers take their siesta. Which seems to run for a little bit longer than I bet it's intended too. (8am - 10pm) - "Where are the workers?"

The most difficult thing though, Mother tells me, is actually finding a time to get the builders in. "There's so many holidays over here, they celebrate everything and anything. Do you know they get a week off to go to the fair? Then the following week they get a day off to recover from the fair." I thought she might be making this up. Turns out she's not. Go figure.

My absolute favourite reason for the Spanish on the Costa Del Sol not going to work is 'La Vanta'. Which means 'The Mist' I think. Or maybe 'The Wind'. I can't remember. Using the weather as an excuse to not go to work is sheer brilliance. It's Basically a get out of work free card that works everyday of the year. A bit like us calling in 'sick' because we want to go to Skeg with our friends.

With all this going on I guess it can be quite hard to watch the dogs. The first day I flew out Mother took me across to the new house to show me the progress. She showed me the brand new expensive dishwasher sat at the bottom of the spiral staircase... can you see where I'm going with this? It wasn't long til our Border Terrier Taz disapeared to the top of the spiral staircase. As Mother was showing me something else we heard a perculiar sound, sort of like a stream of water landing on cardboard. We turned around to find that the dog had marked his territory water feature style. He stood at the top of the spiral staircase and marked all four floors his own - as well as the dishwasher.

You've got to give it to the dog, he could have gone to each floor individually to mark his territory, but instead he chose to do all four at once. Ingenious.

Mother didn't seem to think so.

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