Security to the dance floor please... And wear something nice

So it's Lee's 20th birthday in a few days, and as its mid-week we decide to do something at the weekend, as you do, to celebrate. So we decide we'll go to NG1 in Nottingham. Me, Lee and Adam. Sounds like a plan, drinks before hand, giggles and youtube. The usual. So we get on the bus. "Is Nottingham really dangerous?"
"No.. It's fine" i say unconvincingly, following it up with a story about a man who got his jaw smashed in because 'He reconned he didn't have the time'. There is a silence after i finish this story, and two terrified faces, so i continue. "We'll be fine, we'll go straight to Ng1 and stay there till we come back, it's a gay place, there's never violence in a gay club"...

So we totter around Nottingham for a while, waiting for the club to open, and when it does... we are embarasingly the first people there. We have a few drinks "Bargain" Lee says sarcasticly through gritted teeth as he hands over a tenner in exchange for three bottles. After a while it starts to fill out and the three of us end up on the dancefloor. We are dancing away to 'fight for this love' when a not-so-accesively-attractive-but-attractive-enough-to-have-a-dance-with-boy starts eyeing me up. I go and dance with him, and get bored after about a minute. I turn away to go back to Lee and Adam when the three of us are drenched, in an annonymous liquid (presumably alcohol, but the terrifying thought of Frankie goes to Hollywood's 'Relax' music video springs to mind - Youtube it if you don't know what i'm talking about). So we are drenched, in an annonymous liquid, that seemed to come from no where in vast quantities. Before i can say anything, the boy i was dancing with, no less than fifteen seconds ago, is pulled to the floor and starts having his face, there is no better word to use, minced by an angry queen's fists and boots. I feel like i should get involved, so when other people try to pull him off, i do to. Luckily Lee drags me back, i cling to him and the three of us stand in awe of this 'gay fight' like terrified kittens as they pummel each other by our feet. The fight starts to expand as friends help friends and the whole thing ended up like the sugababes, by which i mean none of the original members/fighters were there by the end, as the first had got bored and moved on. The fight only goes on for about five minutes before the campest voice i have ever heard sounds out over the club tannoy - do they have those? "Security to the dance floor please, security to the dance floor". Now i've known some camp people in the very short nineteen years of my life, but nothing compares to this. It really would not have surprised me if he followed this up with "And wear something nice!". He didn't however and the fight was broken up. "There's never violence in a gay club" i hear my own words said back to me.
"I think it's time we leave".