No Unauthorised Access

Have you ever wondered, like I have, what lies beyond all those "No Unauthorised access" doors scattered around here, there and everywhere?

Well I have.

Yesterday, whilst desperately stumbling from University campus to University campus looking for somewhere to print I happened to stumble through a set of those doors. Searching darkened deserted hallways I managed to find a room with a light on. I approached slowly and peered inside.


CCTV in operation. No Unauthorised Access. Inside I noticed a lone computer and printer, the red standby light blinking slowly. I looked back down the dark corridor from where I had just come from and back into the CCTV protected room.

I gently pushed the door open and made for the computer at the opposite side of the room. As I did, I noticed there was somebody else in the room. Somebody who had previously been out of my eye-line. It was a woman. A woman looking at pornography on her computer. "OH HI!" she said noticing me standing behind her, minimising the pornography and fumbling in her chair nervously. "Sorry," I said walking backwards back out of the room.

And that is why you shouldn't go through doors that read "No Unauthorised Access", it's just jargon for "I'm Watching Porn."